It had slain many a man, brought him to his knees begging for mercy, it never showed compassion. I have heard of this beast, learned of its evil through the legends the locals often tell. I had to see it, I had to challenge it, and I had to triumph. I would do the one thing that no one so far has had the stomach or the balls to do, I would defeat this beast and then, only then would my name be immortalized in legend. I was going to be a hero.
I sat at my table at the restaurant, in a crowd of hungry people but still I was alone. This could very well be my last meal. I began to question myself. Why was I here? What would drive a man to risk his life? I steeled myself against the self-doubt and wiped the sweat from my brow. As I turned, there was the waiter with my adversary in hand.
The waiter set it down on my table and walked away. There it stood, sizzling before me, nestled in a large white bowl hissing and spitting like the spawn of Satan it truly was. The pile of noodles was covered in a deep red sauce, red like the blood of its victims. There were chunks of chicken strewn throughout but its true weapon was the large pepper that adorned the top of the mound. I sized up its murder weapon and picked up mine. The scent of the beast hit me, the smell of tomatoes and jalapeños assaulted my nose, a fair warning to turn back down. I didn't fear it, I didn't fear death.
"Prepare to die! For I have an IRON STOMACH!!!"
I raised my fork and plunged it into the beast, noodle and tender, juicy chicken were cut with a mighty swipe. I spun my fork, deepening the wound and pulling noodle and sauce toward my weapon. Red sauce was whipped in all directions as I spun a last noodle around my fork. Bringing the first bite to my mouth I thought of the legends, remembered the stories of its victims, things were going to get interesting.
Once I put the pile of fettuccini in my mouth the spices came. The inside of my mouth was licked with dragon's fire and my tongue tingled and burned. My eyes began to water and my whole face produced a waterfall of sweat. I banged the table in pain. People stopped what they were doing and stared at my amazing feat. Their faces showed utter scorn which I can only imagine was directed at the monster that sat before me, one family even left to protect their children.
With a loud SLURP! I sucked in another pile of noodles, each bite falling to my stomach like an anchor and hit like a punch to the gut. I struggled with each new bite. I would not be defeated though and with a swig of milk I prepared myself for the remainder of the siege. My enemy saw that its end was near and in an act of desperation it did the unthinkable. As I chewed one bite it threw one of its slippery, wet tentacles down my throat in an attempt to end me. It was checkmate. I coughed and hacked furiously, wriggling in my chair. I slammed my chest with a stiff fist but the beast wouldn't relinquish its hold. I thought for a second I was done for.
Luck was on my side though and I, with one final fist to the chest was able to purge the noodle. It flew out of my mouth in a cloud of spittle and sauce. The manager though, on his way to help me was in a very unfortunate location though when this happened and received the pasta, with a loud SMACK, right under his left eye.
The next few things that happened very quickly, two security officers were called to the scene. They quite violently grabbed me and quite literally threw me out of the restaurant. The beast survived, despite my most rigorous efforts, but I too was alive. I knew that one day I will try and fight the monster again but for now I have to adhere to this restraining order. Oh well, I'm sure three years will pass by soon enough.